It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
In America we eat man semen.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
