Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
