Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
