Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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