o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
