I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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