My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
