I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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