I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
