I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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