Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
