OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The air taste purple.
Randomize
