yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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