Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
