do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
