my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
