I wish I could punch you in the face.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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