By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
