Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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