Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
