Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
