Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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