remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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