I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
