What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Operation Purity has been aborted
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
