yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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