here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
