Ambien. No doubt about it.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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