I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize