I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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