There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
This house was built for laser tag.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
