Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
