judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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