so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
