Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
