Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
