He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
