just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
