just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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