Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize