i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
operation have a gay friend backfired
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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