you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
