Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
