is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
