Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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