Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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