Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
