ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
