i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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