Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
