Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
