I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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