she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
