I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
