Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
