im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize