i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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