im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
