Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
