Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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