I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
