Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
God, I missed his penis.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
