Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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