are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
