make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Randomize
