The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
