Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
