you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
why didn't you poke me back
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
