He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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