i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
