the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
